HIPAA among friends
Reframing how we share other people’s health experiences.
We live fiercely by the motto of “you don’t know what you don’t know” at Alive and (un)Well, and share the collective belief that shame has no place in trying to do and be better. While we’re not medical professionals, we are humans who find ourselves in a lot of head-scratching situations. This column is dedicated to uncovering those tricky moments, and offering suggestions to better handle them. Growth looks good on you, friends!
The sitch:
Outside of our own health experiences, the statistical probability of someone we love also experiencing an acute or chronic health condition is very high. And, depending on our relationship with them, it’s probable that we know a lot about what they’re going through, from symptoms to treatments to medications to testing. Because relationships are reciprocal (the good ones at least), it’s human nature for someone else’s health to come up in conversations with others who aren’t involved. This is often rooted in deep care and can look like, “Hey, how’s your mom doing?” “How’s your brother’s treatment going?”
In their base state, these questions are pretty harmless. But what happens when you reveal too much? Without traditional HIPAA regulations to guide us, we still have some general guidelines we like to follow.
The flub:
The tenant of oversharing goes far beyond faux pas, and it can actually be very dangerous for the person experiencing the health issue. For instance, revealing that someone is suicidal may lead someone else (who has good intentions) to call the cops for a wellness check without having enough information to know whether that's the appropriate move for the person who is experiencing suicidal ideation. And, depending on where they live, this could lead to involuntary hospitalization or a traumatic psychiatric hold. It could also put them in physical danger. In addition, not everyone works in an environment where health conditions are accepted with compassion, and what if those details got back to someone’s coworker? Or manager? It wouldn’t be the first time someone was let go because of health reasons and stigma, unfortunately.
The better move:
From where I’m sitting (likely with a heated blanket encasing my joints like a sausage), there’s nothing wrong with giving general updates on others. That’s how friendships and connections are fostered — we want to know what’s swirling in our people’s worlds. But the tricky part comes in when we’re sharing generalities vs. specific details. Here are a few tweaks to try on for size:
❌ “August started Lexapro and is feeling so much better.”
✅ “August started a new medication and is feeling so much better.”
❌ “Jensen is going through a depressive episode and experiencing high levels of suicidal ideation.”
✅ “Jensen’s mental health hasn’t been great lately and I’m worried about her.”
TL;DR
Reframing how we share other people’s health experiences (and why we’re even sharing them in the first place), can help us arrive at a happy-medium that is both safe for the party that isn’t present in the conversation, while also ticking all the boxes of authentic relationship-building. Be good to each other!
This is great etiquette that everyone should read and follow! 👏👏👏