How we stay motivated
Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a strong case of the “why bothers.”
Welcome to Solicited Advice, our weekly column that celebrates the helpfulness in health. Because in a world where strangers at the grocery store love to tell you that a specific brand of magnesium will indeed “cure” what ails you (it probably won’t, so sorry), we’re all about passing on our lived experience in a way that makes your life a little better. Are we experts? Nah, not really. But we’re great listeners who have perfected the art of pillow screaming. Let’s get into it!
Motivation has been a four-letter word for me lately. I just can’t get myself to do much, and my health — both mental and physical — is definitely not helping. How do you all stay motivated? Any tips?
Jess: I’m in the trenches of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) right now, so the lights are off and only rage is home. That said, I would be more surprised if you were doing well right now. The world is *waves hands* and the pot is boiling faster for those of us who live with marginalized identities, which includes health conditions. Generally speaking — apply nuance as needed 😅 — I believe our bodies are pretty damn smart, often more so than our brains, so if the body isn’t up for doing much, don’t force it. Pare down the daily tasks to reduce cognitive load. Eat easy food. Skip the extra skincare step. Pay attention to where that tension is within you, and see what comes up. (Not to fix, just to recognize and let it breathe.) Go to bed early or sleep later or take a nap, or all three — whatever works in your situation. Whatever it is, try doing it from a place of choice, instead of stewing in a mental spiral about it where it then becomes the default instead of a choice (easier said than done, I know). In my experience, that extra little bit of grace not only helps us build self-trust and gives our systems what they are screaming for — it also does help that “bounce back” happen a little more quickly.
Kat: Excluding the last year, I’ve always prided myself on my ability to be self-motivated without needing a lot of extrinsic rewards. I think a lot of it has to do with how I was raised; in a love-filled home which included two parents who worked very well as a team, in addition to being a good example of balancing productivity and fun (yes, I am aware of how privileged that is). But the past 13 months or so have been the least motivated I’ve ever been, in all aspects of my life — and I’d venture to say that’s a relatively normal human experience, as most of us have lows and highs as we age. But damn, having health conditions makes it so much harder, doesn’t it? Here are the few things I’ve been trying out depending on the type of motivation I’m struggling with:
✏️ Creative motivation: I’ve always been a creative thinker, and it primarily shows up in my writing. But creating for fun or even for money has been a gigantic roadblock for me — probably the longest-lasting stretch I’ve ever encountered. To be honest, starting this Substack has been really good for me in a lot of ways, but most notably in that it gives me a steady structure to be creative within. The more regularly I write, the easier it is to produce. (That might be the deadline-hungry editor in me, though.) So I have two extremes for you to consider, depending on how your brain works: First, try spinning up a “schedule” for yourself to exercise small bursts of creativity each day or week (or whatever semi-regular cadence works for you). It’ll get you in the habit, even if all you’re doing is making lists or loose sketches. You’re scratching the itch yet never starting from square one since it’s more of a continuation, even if it feels wildly forced. Yes, even when I’m in a flare I’ll try and hold myself to writing a story or article idea on a sticky note — because at least it’s something. On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve also tried putting zero pressure on myself and only creating when I’ve felt truly inspired. This works for me occasionally, but ultimately I do better with the routine approach because otherwise symptom management always wins.
🧽 Productive motivation: This category is the general bucket of “I’m an adult and I have responsibilities but I also live with debilitating health conditions.” If you live with a mental illness that feels like a full-time job, or a physical illness that includes profound fatigue, it seems near impossible to even think through what needs to be accomplished, let alone follow through with it. So I’ve been using the “slow down to speed up” approach recently and it’s actually been helping. Instead of pushing myself to get something done, if I have the luxury of flexibility on a task, I actually prioritize rest for a specific period of time (say, two hours or so). I don’t make myself feel bad about it, and instead remind myself that I’m basically “warming up” to do something productive. In the past, I have dragged myself through the day without breaks or a nap or a meal, and guess what? Tasks took me double the time, and it just compounded as the days went on — sleep debt or burnout, anyone? — until I had nothing left in the tank and was exponentially grumpy. Essentially what I’m doing is making sure the tank never gets low enough to wipe out entire weeks (been there, done that). It’s impossible to avoid sometimes, for sure, but this mindset has been serving me well for now.
Skyler: I feel like this is another topic where I could answer the question with a simple “I don’t.” I’ve been dealing with an exceptionally rough case of what I call the “why bothers” for at least a year at this point. A mix of unresolved burnout, fluctuating chronic illness symptoms, and constant reminders that we continue to exist in a political hellscape where it feels like nothing actually matters are all compounding factors when it comes to my lack of motivation. After years of being at one end of the motivation spectrum — the one that prizes toxic ideals of productivity and pushing oneself to unhealthy limits — I think I wound up at the other extreme, where intrinsic motivation is nonexistent and it’s easier to do nothing than to push myself to get anything done, even if it’s something I have an inkling I’d enjoy. It takes effort and energy to make even a positive change, right?
After trying to find the answers to my lack of motivation in the depths of self-help books and productivity YouTube videos, I recently realized that I am exponentially more motivated by extrinsic factors than I am intrinsic. Similar to my journey in building self-esteem and a sense of self-worth outside of external feedback, I need to work on holding myself accountable and finding the motivation I need to achieve even the little things I want to do within myself. Logically I know that motivation follows behavior, so I’m trying to frame this accountability to myself and personal follow-through as a self-care practice of the highest order, and hopefully find the motivation to keep going. Wishing all of us luck!
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Thanks for this. I want us all to thrive and have what we need, but dang if it also doesn't help to know/hear you're not alone in the trenches of no motivation and ongoing despair. I know I needed to hear this today. <3