Health and resolutions

And how we each approach the new year.

Credit: Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Welcome to Solicited Advice, our weekly column that celebrates the helpfulness in health. Because in a world where strangers at the grocery store love to tell you that a specific brand of magnesium will indeed “cure” what ails you (it probably won’t, so sorry), we’re all about passing on our lived experience in a way that makes your life a little better. Are we experts? Nah, not really. But we’re great listeners who have perfected the art of pillow screaming. Let’s get into it!

A lot of resolutions and goals are based on consistency, but as the four of you probably know, health isn’t exactly consistent. How do you approach setting resolutions or goals? Do you set them or not bother?

Ash: I used to set resolutions but one of two things would happen: I would make them overly ambitious and impossible to fulfill, or I’d feel guilty if I didn’t follow through on them. The new year can be a great time to reflect on yourself, the challenges of the past year, and your hopes for the new one — but I find it’s often better if I wait until spring and feel that rush of rebirth and growth that helps push me into those moments of reflection.

Nowadays there’s only one thing I do, and only when it feels right. I set a word to theme the year. I use it almost as a guidepost when I just need something grounding. In the past I’ve used words like “change” which reminded me to break through stagnation, and another year I chose “calm” to help settle the chaotic turbulence I was feeling at the time. The most important thing I’ve learned: You can outgrow or change what your goals and desires are at any time. And it’s not a failure when you don’t meet them, it just means they no longer serve you in the way you needed when setting them.

Kat: Full disclosure: I hold a lot of shame around the fact that I stopped setting concrete goals, or even indulging in future-forward dreaming several years ago. It has nothing to do with motivation or inspiration, and everything to do with my health — because I tend to get worked up when my symptoms always seem to get in the way. And you know what’s a foolproof way to not let yourself down? Don’t set a goal to begin with! (But that’s not advice I’d actually pass along to people I consider friends. You’re welcome.) 

So when New Year’s Day hit last week, and my partner and I sat down to dinner, I looked at him and said, “No matter what this year delivers… let it be one of boundaries.” You see, in 2024 we found ourselves in a relationship with a family member who consistently ignored our boundaries and plummeted our self-worth. We began to question who we were as people, and how we showed up for the rest of our loved ones. And saying that one sentence at dinner made me realize that I do set resolutions of some sort every year — I just put different packaging around it. I think of what I’ve learned about myself and others over the past 12 months, what mistakes I’d love to never make again based on real-life examples, and unexpected wins I encountered — like not having surgery for an entire calendar year. So my best advice to you is this: Try not to think of life in absolutes or finish lines. Let go of what you know about traditional milestones (easier said than done), because health conditions often make you feel like you’ll never reach them. Our world is programmed around the concept of productivity and forming habits, as if everyone’s day-to-day is the exact same — both in terms of privilege and ability. But we all know that’s a lie. So show up for yourself and your life however you need to. Step into your voice. I’m wishing you all the luck to make meaningful change in ways that matter to you this year!

Jess: I also no longer set goals or resolutions for the new year, in part because my health is gonna do what it’s gonna do, and like Kat and Ash both mentioned, a foolproof way to not feel bad about it is to not set those resolutions in the first place. 😅 I used to be a huuuuuuge planner. I’d spend a week or more each year working through reflections, goal-setting, planning, and so on — I even made my own planners and workbooks! And don’t get me wrong, I still love browsing and trying out different planners, but ultimately my calendar app and my digital task list are my ride or dies. Now, I tend to structure my life more in seasons or sprints. Sometimes they coincide with actual seasons or quarters of the year, and sometimes it’s more like, “Here’s how I’m going to get through this week.” 

What I’ve also found useful is not waiting for a certain time to implement things. If I know I want or need to do whatever thing (like, IDK, eating more aligned with my health needs, reading more, or having more margin in my life) — why wait for a new year to do it? Ultimately, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way, only ways that do and don’t work for our current lives. If setting resolutions and goals feels good for you, I say do it. And if it feels like a big stressful thing? Eff that. Who needs more stress?

Skyler: To put it bluntly, I’m beyond over the mainstream definition and commodification of New Year’s resolutions. The pressure to implement grand, unsustainable changes; the societal shame that makes people feel less than and that they are required to change; the all-or-nothing thinking followed by feelings of failure if/when one’s resolutions don’t pan out — I’m over all of it.

Besides, why are we “supposed” to set goals and create change in our lives during this specific time of year? You don’t need permission from a random celebrity pushing weird laxative teas or the Gregorian calendar to start working toward something you want to achieve. Additionally, January 1 is the start of a new year only for countries and cultures that follow the Gregorian calendar (which is only about 443 years old, just saying). To put Jess’ point less eloquently, just do the damn thing you want to do when you want to do it.

If you like all of the “new year, new me” buzz and setting resolutions helps you feel self-actualized, then bully for you. Prefer to set a word or intention for the year? Great. Feel motivated to pursue a new goal on a random Wednesday in July? You do you. Rather just go with the flow and gravitate toward certain vibes throughout the year? Fantastic. And if you’re not into any of the above, that’s also totally fine. Ultimately, the only person you have to answer to is yourself.

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