How we find the motivation to take care of ourselves
It usually involves a lot of little treats.
Welcome to Solicited Advice, our weekly column that celebrates the helpfulness in health. Because in a world where strangers at the grocery store love to tell you that a specific brand of magnesium will indeed “cure” what ails you (it probably won’t, so sorry), we’re all about passing on our lived experience in a way that makes your life a little better. Are we experts? Nah, not really. But we’re great listeners who have perfected the art of pillow screaming. Let’s get into it!
I’m really struggling to do the “small things” that would help my life right now — going to doctor appointments, doing my PT exercises at home, taking my meds. I know all of these things are important, but I just don’t want to, especially this time of year. Is it just me?
Ash: Did you take this question out of my brain? Living “well” (whatever that means to you) can be a very hard standard to meet. And if you happen to be chronically online, you’ll see others having these amazing adventures and feel like you’re a lump of potatoes because you avoided a phone call for the third week in a row (just me?). The slump during this time of year is so real, and nature is giving us all the signs to slow down, which is impossible to do when you're busy maintaining the status quo. My suggestions would be to first, recognize that this is a time of year where it’s natural to slow down — and give yourself some extra grace when everything feels like it’s building. Second, find whatever combination of reminders, calendars, planners, or even sticky notes work for you. You probably won't find that one, singular thing that will fix your life (it doesn't exist), but that different tasks may need different means and that's OK. For example, I use a combination of Google Calendar, a project management software, and phone alarms for my day-to-day life — they each serve a different purpose, and help motivate me in different ways. Third, recognize your have-to-dos from your nice-to-do’s when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes life feels like a race, but you’re on the track for a good while yet, so go the pace that feels good to you, not what the world may expect from you.
Kat: Listen, I’m not above a bribe, a “little treat,” or a self-imposed competition these days. I’ve had 3-10 doctor’s appointments/medical tasks every single week since the end of September, and I’m pretty sure the only reason I am still wobbling around is because I’ve been rewarding myself along the way. A lot of times the rewards are food or drink-related (mostly because I’m out of the house all of the time right now, which is absolutely not my norm, so I’m near shops and stores I’m not usually, so it feels special and novel). But that also looks like reading a few chapters instead of doing a little work first, or taking my dog on a short car ride because his windswept ears give me life. Other than that, I really love charts (with stickers!), sticky notes with tallies on them, or any other kind of tangible system that tickles the part of my brain that’s motivated by keeping a streak alive. And when I inevitably miss something — like not taking my vitamins or not picking up my new glasses right away — I try and think of all of the health-related tasks I did do that day, because there are always so many. I’m trying my best and I’m sure you are too.
Skyler: Like Ash said, the slump is real! Especially when it’s freezing outside and the sun sets in the middle of the afternoon. It’s sure been a lot harder for me to do my physical therapy exercises at home than it usually is because I would much rather be bundled up in blankets than emerge from my cocoon to move my body during winter in New England. I 100% endorse Kat’s suggestion to give yourself little treats along the way. For instance, I know that when I go to the dentist, I get to visit the cute café next door after my appointment. Their cappuccino and seasonal cream cheese flavors make an anxiety-inducing appointment something I actually look forward to. To be frank, it’s also exciting to check something off my medical to-do list — such as making a phone call, one of my least favorite tasks — because I get to report back to my therapist and tell her how I did the darn thing. I’m still riding the high of calling my orthodontist and going to a beyond-overdue appointment the other week. My therapist gave me huge props for it, which helped me give myself huge props. I highly recommend you find someone to cheer you on as you take care of yourself in big and small ways (it’s also helpful to have an accountability buddy!). My final tip is to add some fun to your to-dos. I try to fill my medication holder every Sunday. Even though I’ve missed a few days here and there, I still consider this routine a success. How’d I make the habit stick? In addition to writing “[ ] med holder” in my planner each week, I would fill my med holder while watching "Masterpiece Mystery!" on PBS. Sunday nights became my “Meds and Masterpiece” nights, which made me actually look forward to the chore. When it comes to PT exercises, I started doing my clamshells, reverse clamshells, leg lifts, bridges, and abdominal bracing while playing a video game on a handheld console. Trust me, it’s easy to stop dreading these exercises once they become associated with gaming time!
Got a question you want to ask us? Reply to this email or DM us on Substack — we’ll keep your identity anonymous! P.S. Our really professional lawyers (they wear pantsuits and everything) tell us we can’t dispense any kind of medical advice to the public, but we appreciate you thinking we could even do that in the first place. You’re a real one.
More Solicited Advice
When toxicity comes a-knocking
As I get older, I’m realizing how toxic some of my family and work dynamics are. How do you survive an environment that’s inherently toxic when you can’t walk away?